36 Christian Ways to Reduce Stress

1. Pray

2. Learn to praise God wherever you are and whatever the circumstance.

3. Go to bed on time and get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say “No,” to projects/activities that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and un-clutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don’t lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you to do and let go of the anxiety. If you can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K. M. S. (Keep Mouth Shut.) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough exercise.

18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a podcast while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write thoughts and inspirations down.

22. Everyday, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don’t wait until its time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good “Thank you Jesus!”

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you’re grateful for that you’ve never been grateful for before or that you always forget to thank God about.

——
Original Post

Attitude

by Rev. Chuck Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say, or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

IT’S NOT IN THE GUITAR

Last Sunday, we trained a bunch of youngsters who wanted to join the Worship Arts Ministry. We had a number of excited young people who wanted to learn how to play the guitar and drums, dance, and sing.

I’ve been part of the ministry since I was very young. At one time, I was even the youngest in the team. Eventually, more people got involved and the party people grew in number. It has become so much more fun!

On the second week of May, our church was finally able to put up a satellite service in one of the hardest-to-reach barrios in our town. A family volunteered to turn their home terrace into the temporary church and there have been about close-to-a-hundred attendees since we started. There are also new equipment that have been raised for the glory of God. One of our friends donated his drum set too.

Everyone is excited about our new outreach—even if there’s so much work to do and lots of sacrifices to make. The small sacrifices include having to get drenched in the rain sometimes, taking some of the instruments back & forth, or back riding on the motorcycle sitting sideways because you’re wearing a skirt and having to bear that not-very-comfy position for the whole 10-Km ride (because you forgot your pants in the bag you left with mom). And then, there are the bigger sacrifices—really big ones.

When we came face-to-face with the youth—with all the squirming anticipation in their eyes—we also had to come to our own realizations about our personal service to God.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE WERE THAT EXCITED ABOUT BEING IN THE MINISTRY WE WERE CALLED FOR?

I go to practice every Saturday, prepare lineups when I’m assigned to lead worship, jam with the musicians until we perfect the songs and shifts, go out bonding right after and happily go home to prepare for the next day’s Worship Service.

We are excited to commune with God, yes, but most probably not as we were when we first started. Whether we admit it or not, there are many things about what we do every weekend that have become routines for most of us.

Being in the ministry for this long–from being the youngest to now standing as one of their “ate’s”—has surely toughened me up. I have become fierce enough to talk about mistakes and other things to my younger (and even older) friends. Being a servant of God certainly brings out the toughie in you.

When it was my turn to talk, I shared with the youth some of the things we need to survive the “ministry challenge”. I told them it’s as simple as keeping these 3 things HIGH: IQ (Intelligence quotient), EQ (Emotional Quotient), WQ (Worship Quotient)

A high IQ means a high level of skills. We have to keep trying to get better as time progresses. This is trying to be excellent in the craft you have chosen or enhancing the talent God has given you.

A high EQ means being tough… no matter how discouraging the situations are or what people say in front of or behind you. It also means being open to corrections… no matter HOW the corrections were delivered to you (’cause it’s not always going to be in the nicest way).

A high WQ means remembering to look up–that we are not playing these instruments or singing or dancing just for the sake of doing these things or to become very popular with our peers. We are doing these to WORSHIP THE KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS.

Facing these new “ministers” allowed me to look back to how I was when I was in the same boat as they are now. I want to be just as charged up as they are. We had a great time with them. We laughed together, joked around, and shared what we know.

My team mates and I love to have fun and enjoy our moments together but we have been through so much and known one another so well throughout these years. This is how this new team will probably be in the years to come.

I pray that they keep it up no matter what happens, now knowing that serving God is the greatest calling ever… and the most fun too! It’s not in the guitar or drums or voice or the moves—It’s always what’s in the heart. It’s always about having a heart that is always enthusiastic to worship God.

Just like them, we “oldies” (and I don’t mean in “age”) still have lots to learn ourselves in our Christian walk—things that have to do with how to get along well with our brothers and sisters—but it always helps to go back to the basics and remember that everything begins with the love of God.

“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

PLAYGROUND

Minsan isang araw ng Linggo, nagpunta ako sa Mercury Drug kasama ang isang kaibigan. Malakas ang ulan at kinailangan kong magsuot ng kapote. Nakasakay kami sa motorsiklo.

Pagdating sa drugstore, naka-hakbang na ako sa loob na suot ang kapote nang biglang hiniyawan ako ng guwardiya, “HOY! Ano ba yan? Nababasa ang sahig o!”

Nagulat ako at siyempre napahiya ng konti. Okay, I mean marami. Maraming pagkapahiya.

Akala kasi namin ng kaibigan ko, pwede nang hindi namin hubarin ang kapote dahil sandali lang naman kami doon sa loob. Isa pa, ineexpect namin na handa sila sa mga papasok na mga taong galing sa ulan. Maghapon nang umuulan noon.

Hindi kasi ordinaryong kapote ang suot ko. Mahirap alisin dahil parang jeans at shirt ang style nya at todo-butones. Malaki pa sya sa akin. Pangsagupa talaga sa ulan. Ubos-oras ang pagtatanggal. Baka nga mas matagal pa akong naghubad nang kapote kaysa bumili ng mga dapat bilhin. Pero dahil napagalitan ako, syempre lumabas nalang ako ulit.

Nang tanggalin ko ang kapote, sabi ng kaibigan ko, “Hindi ka kasi mukhang kagalang-galang dyan, ate. Nasigawan ka tuloy.”

“Ah ganun ba?” ang sagot ko. Natawa lang ako. Akala siguro ni Manong Guard lalaki ako. Nakatago kasi ang buhok ko at may nakasukbit na helmet sa siko. Para akong construction worker. At para akong basang sisiw na construction worker. Very unglamorous. Tsk tsk tsk. Wag lang mabasa nang ulan.

Oo nga ano? Napaisip tuloy ako. Kapag naka-office attire ako, kahit saang establishment ako pumunta, aba napakagagalang ng mga guwardiya! Hindi nila ako hino-HOY!

Hmmm. Nasa damit ba talaga ‘yon?

Pagpasok ko ulit sa loob, hindi yata ako nakilala ng guwardiya dahil naka-smile na sya. Mukhang girl na kasi ako. Di ko sya pinansin dahil medyo masama pa ang loob ko sa pagkakasigaw nya sa akin. Hmpf, napahiya talaga ako!

WOW!

Paglabas namin sa Mercury, maraming mga batang lansangan na nakasilong. Sa lugar kung saan kami nag-park ng motorsiklo, may isang lumang payphone booth na mayro’ng teleponong sira.

Naaalala ko tuloy noong nasa elementary palang ako at bagong lipat kami sa Bulacan, madalas kami ni Mama sa phone booth na iyon. Tumatawag kami kay Papa sa office nya at kina Mama Fina at Father sa Loyola… hmmm.

Naputol ang pagre-reminisce ko dahil biglang sumigaw yung isang batang lansangan.

“WOW!”, sabi niya. Seven years old siguro sya.

Nakita ko syang nakatayo sa harap ng phone booth at nakatingin sa teleponong sira. Tinawag nya ang isa pang batang ka-edad din nya halos. Sabi niya, “Tignan mo o, may telepono pa tayo dito!”, sabay hagikhik. Doon kasi sila magpapalipas ng gabi sa gilid ng phone booth.

Lumapit naman ang isa at sabay silang namangha sa sirang telepono.

Kanina lang magkaaway ang dalawang batang iyon. Pinag-awayan nila ang piso. Matinding away. Parang wala nang bukas. Pero nang oras na iyon, tuwang-tuwa silang nilapitan ang telepono at naglaro. Parang walang nangyari. Tulad ng title ng paborito kong awit, “Like It Never Happened”.

Para sa kanila, playground lang ang buong paligid…kahit wala silang matinong damit na maisuot at kahit nag-aagawan sila sa barya. Hindi pa kasi nila naiintindihan na komplikado ang buhay… lalo na ang buhay nila.

MASAYA

Napakasarap maging bata. Sabi nga ng pinsan kong junior pastor noong huling beses siyang magturo sa pulpito, sa mga bata daw ay hindi mahalaga kung sino ang tama at mali.

Mas mahalaga sa mga bata ang maging masaya at payapa habang naglalaro. Kaya nga daw kapag nag-away sila, maya-maya lang ay magkakabati na rin.

Hindi na nila binabalikan pa kung sino ang nagkamali at kung ano ang nagawang mali ng isa laban sa kapwa niya bata. Kaya din siguro sinabi ni Jesus na “the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 9:14). Nakakamangha sila.

PAGPAPATAWAD

Ang buhay ay tungkol sa pagpapatawad.

Hindi naman siguro maganda kung lahat ng tao mananatiling bata. Pangit din kung isip-bata. Pero kung lahat siguro magagawang maging mapagpatawad tulad nila, yehey! Napakasaya!

Hindi nalang kasi barya-barya ang pwedeng pag-awayan at pagkasakitan ng mga tao. Mas matinding away. Higit pa minsan sa basagan ng mukha. Ang matindi don, yung durugan ng puso…at lamang-loob.

Madalas, tayong mga nakakatanda, hindi na nating naa-appreciate ang mga masasayang bagay na nasa paligid natin, tulad nalang halimbawa ng isang sirang telepono na pwedeng maging dahilan ng lubus-lubos na kasiyahan.

Dahil mas mahalagang ipaalam natin sa ating kapwa na tayo ang mas tama at mali ang ginawa nila sa nakaraan, natatabunan na kahit ang mga mabubuting bagay na ginagawa na nila para sa atin sa kasalukuyan.

Kailan kaya mas magiging mahalaga para sa atin ang maging masaya at payapa kaysa sa pagiging laging tama?

Madalas, kaya naman nating maging masaya at payapa pero sa isang iglap, gumagawa tayo ng ikasisira ng ating kapayapaan at kasiyahan… dahil lang gusto nating iparating na TAYO ANG TAMA at MALI SILA!

Mahirap magpatawad.

Pangarap kong maging mapagpatawad. Ang sabi sa Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Mahirap talaga pero sinusubukan ko naman. Iniisip ko nalang na LAHAT TAYO NAGKAKAMALI. Maliit man o grabeng pagkakamali iyon, palaging may space para sa pagbabago… at pagpapatawad.

PLAYGROUND

Madalas napapabalik-tanaw ako kung gaano ka-simple ang buhay noong mas bata pa ako. Marami akong hindi naiintindihan pero okay lang naman. Nakaka-excite ang pagdiscover sa mga bagay-bagay.

Pag nasugatan, iyak, Betadine at Band-Aid lang ang katapat. Pag inapi, si Kuya o Ate lang ang katapat. Pag walang pera, si Nanay o Tatay lang ang katapat. Pag nagkamali, eraser lang sa dulo ng Mongol ang katapat. Tapos, pwede na ulit tumawa.

Marami akong pagkakamali sa buhay ko at pwedeng hindi lahat yun ay mabubura ng eraser sa dulo ng Mongol.

Kapag nauubusan na ako ng panggastos, hindi naman ako basta-basta nalang makakahingi sa mga magulang ko. Nakakahiya na kasi.

Pag inapi ako, kailangan ko nang bumangon at ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Pag nasugatan, andyan ang Betadine at Band-Aid pero pag mas malalim, pwede pa rin namang umiyak. Pero pag mas malalim pa dun, madalas mas marami pang iyak ang kailangan. Tapos, pwede na ulit tumawa.

Nung isang gabi ay naisip ko lahat ng mga kapalpakan ko sa buhay. Naitanong ko sa sarili ko kung ano kayang nangyari kung sakali mang ibang choices at daan ang tinahak ko. Aminado akong marami akong pagkakamaling nagawa.

Nang oras na iyon, nag-wish ako na sana may blackboard sa harapan ko at doon ko isusulat lahat ng mga iyon tapos buburahin ko nalang para malinis na ulit. Nakaka-guilty kasi. Nakakalungkot din.

Kahit gaano ko pa subukang magpakabait at bumawi, hindi naman lahat ng kalaro ko sa playground na ito, pare-pareho. Marami sa kanila ang nasaktan ko ng sobra. Marahil ang iba sa kanila, sadyang hindi na makakalimot… o baka matagalan pa. Ang mas mahalaga, napagsisihan ko na.

Sabi nga nila, unahin mo muna din daw na patawarin ang sarili mo. Susubukan kong palaging hindi na iisipin kung sino man sa amin ang tama at mali. Ang mahalaga, maging mapayapa at masaya.

Napatawad ko na si Manong Guard.

Ang buhay ay tungkol sa pagpapatawad.

Mabuti nalang at ang Diyos, mapagpatawad.

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD.
Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.”

Isaiah 1:18

SI KUYANG BULAG

PAG-IISIP

“Bulag ka ba?”, biro ng kaibigan ko sa akin, sabay tawa nang malakas.

May itinuturo kasi siya na hindi agad na-process ng utak ko. Nakita ko naman pero sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, parang hindi ko naintindihan ang sinasabi niya nung oras na iyon.

Hindi ako bulag noh!

Sa isip ko lang sinabi ‘yon. Wala kasi ako sa mood na mangulit no’n. Parang kulang ako sa tulog. Pero di ko malaman kung bakit sa dinami-daming beses na akong biniro ng kaibigan ko nang gano’n, noon lang ako napag-isip nang mas malalim.

20/20 ang vision ko. Kahit sinasabi ng mga gumagawa ng eyeglasses na kailangan ko daw magsuot no’n dahil may astigmatism ako, parang ayokong maniwala. Sabi kasi ng kapitbahay kong ophthalmologist na huling tumingin sa mata ko, “Malinaw pa yan sa eroplano, iha!” Di ko naintindihan pero siguro ang ibig niyang sabihin, kahit napakalayo ng eroplano, pwede kong makita. Hula ko lang iyon at kahit hindi ko talaga alam ang ibig niyang sabihin, nagtitiwala ako sa kanya..

PAGBABA

Sa pag-iisip ko, naalala ko tuloy yung lalaking bulag na nakasabay namin minsan ng kaibigan ko noong unang lingo ng Disyembre sa MRT Station sa Buendia. Hindi ko sya makakalimutan. Noon ko pa gustong sumulat nang tungkol sa kanya pero ngayon ko lang natupad. Nasa harapan namin siya noong bumababa kami sa hagdanan. Magkahawak pa kami ng kamay habang mabilis na naglalakad. Male-late na kasi kami sa pupuntahan namin. Pero yung lalaki, mag-isa, mabagal, at may tungkod siyang hawak.

Habang bumababa, napansin naming mabagal sya at may sukat ang bawat hakbang nya. Noon ko na-realize na bulag pala sya. Nasilip kong wala syang suot na shades. Bare ang mga mata nya. Namangha ako sa kanya nang sobra.

Hindi man lang siya humawak sa railings. Sabagay, hindi naman niya siguro alam na may railings doon. Malamang may nagsabi lang sa kanya na pababa na sya. Pero walang tumutulong sa kanya. Mataas ang hagdanang iyon pero parang hindi niya kailangan ng tulong ng iba. Napaka-independent nya. Kinakapa lang niya gamit ang tungkod na hawak niya ang bawat hakbang. Kami naman, tahimik na sumusunod.

Parang sa sobrang pagkamangha namin, di namin malaman kung tutulungan namin siya. Sa oras na iyon, alam naming habang bumababa siya sa hagdanan ay mas makabubuting hindi na namin siya pakialaman. Alam niya ang ginagawa niya. Consistent ang bawat hakbang nya. Baka magulat lang sya bigla. Baka mahulog lang kami pare-pareho pag sinubukan pa naming siyang akayin. Pwede na sana kaming mauna pero pinili naming sundan sya.

PAGTAWID

Nakababa nang matagumpay si Kuya. Pero hindi doon nagtapos ang delikado niyang lakad. Kailangan pa kasing tumawid bago makarating sa sakayan ng jeep. At napansin naming doon siya nahirapan. Wala kasi yung pulis–pulisan doon nang oras na iyon.

May napakabilis na kotseng parating pero tuloy-tuloy siya sa paglalakad. Nagkatinginan kami ng kasama ko at mabilis siyang kumilos. Bigla niyang inakay si Kuya sa kaliwang braso. “Tulungan ko na po kayo.”, sabi ng kaibigan ko. Parang batang sumunod lang si Kuya. Hindi siya kumibo. Hindi siya nagpumiglas.

Napansin kong medyo nahirapan siyang maglakad dahil hindi niya malaman kung paano na niya ipangkakapa ang tungkod niya. Sa oras na iyon, parang bigla syang nalito. Hindi ko alam kung dahil hindi niya alam kung saan siya dadalhin ng nakahawak sa braso niya o dahil hindi lang talaga sya sanay nang inaalalayang tulad no’n.

Naging proud ako sa kasama ko. Habang naglalakad sila, nakatingin lang ako. Nagpahuli na kasi ako. Tuwang-tuwa ang kalooban ko nang oras na iyon.

Nang makarating na kami sa sakayan ng jeep, dahan-dahang binitiwan na siya ng kasama ko. Sabi niya, “Dito po ang sakayan. Ingat po kayo. God bless you po.” At sa nanginginig niyang boses, sabi ni Kuya, “Salamat.”

Hindi na kami kasya sa jeep na nasakyan nya kaya hindi namin nalaman kung saan sya papunta.

PAGTATANONG

Nang makasakay na rin kami, obvious ang pagka-ovewhelm namin ng kaibigan ko sa nangyari. Napakaraming tanong sa isip ko. Ang isa sa mga malakas kong nasabi:

“Hindi ba nasagasaan yung bulag na singer na si Willie Garte, yung kumanta ng Bawal na Gamot?”

Naalala ko lang. Na-hit-and-run yun. Hindi ko na maalala ang isinagot ng kasama ko pero parang pareho pa din kaming tulala. Tulala pero masaya pareho.

Saan kaya pupunta si Kuya?

Naisip ko rin, pa’no kaya ang buhay ng mga tulad nila? Napaka-vulnerable. Pa’no kung wala palang mabuting intension yung humila sa kanya?

Ang tapang ng mga tulad ni Kuya. Napakalakas ng pananampalataya nya.

Naalala ko din tuloy yung mga bulag na masahista sa Philcoa nung college ako.

Naisip ko rin ang tita kong hindi na halos makakita dahil sa Diabetes.

Naisip ko, ano kaya ang pakiramdam nang walang paningin? Ang ganda at napaka-makulay pa naman ng paligid.

Yun ang moment kung kailan nagpasalamat ako sa Diyos sa paningin ko at sa pagkakataon at pribilehiyo na makita ang lahat ng nilikha Nya.

PAG-IISIP

“Bulag ka ba?”, biro ng kaibigan ko.

Ang totoong dapat maging sagot ko, OO.

Madalas, bulag ako sa mga dapat kong nakikita…

Hindi ko naappreciate ang mga tao at bagay na dapat kong ipagpasalamat. Hindi ko napapahalagahan ang mga maliliit na bagay na ibinigay ni Lord sa akin o maging ang mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa ng mga taong nagmamahal sa akin. Laging mali nila ang nakikita ko. Laging yung mga hindi masyadong magandang ginawa nila sa akin ang binabalikan ko.

Bulag ako sa mga mabubuting pagbabagong nagaganap sa kasalukuyan. Laging nakalipas ang tinitignan ko. Laging sarili ko ang iniisip ko.

Bulag ako sa masasayang bagay na nangyayari na ngayon, dahil naghahanap pa ako ng mas masaya pa kaysa dito.

Lagi ko nalang inililibot ang mga mata ko kahahanap ng mas malaking mga bagay na dapat kong ipagpasalamat gayong nasa harap ko na ang mga bagay na dapat kong ikatuwa.

Laging negatibo ang pananaw ko sa mga ginagawa ng kapwa ko at hindi ko nakikita ang mga positibo–kahit pa mas marami ang mga ‘yon– dahil isinasara ko na ang paningin at pag-iisip ko.

Bulag ako sa pangangailangan ng kapwa ko. Lagi kong hinahanap ang makakapagpasaya sa akin pero madalas, hindi ko naiisip na kailangan ko din pasayahin ang mga taong nagpapasaya sa akin.

Bulag ako sa katotohanan na napakapalad ko sa mga bagay na mayroon ako sa kasalukuyan. Napakarami ko pang sinasabi pero madalas, simpleng “salamat” lang naman ang dapat kong sabihin.

Madalas nagbubulag-bulagan din ako sa maraming bagay…

Minsan, gusto ko lang makita ang gusto kong makita. Pinipili ko lang ang dapat kong pahalagahan.

Apathetic din ako minsan sa mga isyu sa paligid na dapat kong binubusisi at inaaksyunan bilang responsableng Pilipino. Takot din siguro ako sa maraming bagay na nakikita ko at naririnig. Di tulad ni Kuya na kahit hindi niya nakikita ang dinadaanan nya at alam nyang tiyak na may panganib, tuloy pa din siya.

Marami akong natutunan kay Kuya.

Si Kuya, walang paningin pero may focus. Bawat hakbang nya may sukat. Naisip ko, kung sumobra siguro siya ng one inch lang habang bumababa sya sa hagdanan, maaring nahulog sya. Pero hindi nangyari yun.

Sana ako rin may focus.

Mayroon lang sigurong isang aspeto sa bawat buhay ng tao kung saan KAILANGAN nating maging bulag. Naalala ko ung awit ni Freddie Aguilar na ni-revive ni Yeng Constantino–Bulag, Pipi, at Bingi:

Madilim ang iyong paligid
Hatinggabing walang hanggan
Anyo at kulay ng mundo sayo’y
Pinagkaitan
Huwag mabahala kaibigan
Isinilang ka mang ganyan
Isang bulag sa kamunduhan
Ligtas ka sa kasalanan.

Naisip ko, napakabuti talaga ng Diyos!

SI KUYANG BULAG

PAG-IISIP

“Bulag ka ba?”, biro ng kaibigan ko sa akin, sabay tawa nang malakas.

May itinuturo kasi siya na hindi agad na-process ng utak ko. Nakita ko naman pero sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, parang hindi ko naintindihan ang sinasabi niya nung oras na iyon.

Hindi ako bulag noh!

Sa isip ko lang sinabi ‘yon. Wala kasi ako sa mood na mangulit no’n. Parang kulang ako sa tulog. Pero di ko malaman kung bakit sa dinami-daming beses na akong biniro ng kaibigan ko nang gano’n, noon lang ako napag-isip nang mas malalim.

20/20 ang vision ko. Kahit sinasabi ng mga gumagawa ng eyeglasses na kailangan ko daw magsuot no’n dahil may astigmatism ako, parang ayokong maniwala. Sabi kasi ng kapitbahay kong ophthalmologist na huling tumingin sa mata ko, “Malinaw pa yan sa eroplano, iha!” Di ko naintindihan pero siguro ang ibig niyang sabihin, kahit napakalayo ng eroplano, pwede kong makita. Hula ko lang iyon at kahit hindi ko talaga alam ang ibig niyang sabihin, nagtitiwala ako sa kanya..

PAGBABA

Sa pag-iisip ko, naalala ko tuloy yung lalaking bulag na nakasabay namin minsan ng kaibigan ko noong unang lingo ng Disyembre sa MRT Station sa Buendia. Hindi ko sya makakalimutan. Noon ko pa gustong sumulat nang tungkol sa kanya pero ngayon ko lang natupad. Nasa harapan namin siya noong bumababa kami sa hagdanan. Magkahawak pa kami ng kamay habang mabilis na naglalakad. Male-late na kasi kami sa pupuntahan namin. Pero yung lalaki, mag-isa, mabagal, at may tungkod siyang hawak.

Habang bumababa, napansin naming mabagal sya at may sukat ang bawat hakbang nya. Noon ko na-realize na bulag pala sya. Nasilip kong wala syang suot na shades. Bare ang mga mata nya. Namangha ako sa kanya nang sobra.

Hindi man lang siya humawak sa railings. Sabagay, hindi naman niya siguro alam na may railings doon. Malamang may nagsabi lang sa kanya na pababa na sya. Pero walang tumutulong sa kanya. Mataas ang hagdanang iyon pero parang hindi niya kailangan ng tulong ng iba. Napaka-independent nya. Kinakapa lang niya gamit ang tungkod na hawak niya ang bawat hakbang. Kami naman, tahimik na sumusunod.

Parang sa sobrang pagkamangha namin, di namin malaman kung tutulungan namin siya. Sa oras na iyon, alam naming habang bumababa siya sa hagdanan ay mas makabubuting hindi na namin siya pakialaman. Alam niya ang ginagawa niya. Consistent ang bawat hakbang nya. Baka magulat lang sya bigla. Baka mahulog lang kami pare-pareho pag sinubukan pa naming siyang akayin. Pwede na sana kaming mauna pero pinili naming sundan sya.

PAGTAWID

Nakababa nang matagumpay si Kuya. Pero hindi doon nagtapos ang delikado niyang lakad. Kailangan pa kasing tumawid bago makarating sa sakayan ng jeep. At napansin naming doon siya nahirapan. Wala kasi yung pulis–pulisan doon nang oras na iyon.

May napakabilis na kotseng parating pero tuloy-tuloy siya sa paglalakad. Nagkatinginan kami ng kasama ko at mabilis siyang kumilos. Bigla niyang inakay si Kuya sa kaliwang braso. “Tulungan ko na po kayo.”, sabi ng kaibigan ko. Parang batang sumunod lang si Kuya. Hindi siya kumibo. Hindi siya nagpumiglas.

Napansin kong medyo nahirapan siyang maglakad dahil hindi niya malaman kung paano na niya ipangkakapa ang tungkod niya. Sa oras na iyon, parang bigla syang nalito. Hindi ko alam kung dahil hindi niya alam kung saan siya dadalhin ng nakahawak sa braso niya o dahil hindi lang talaga sya sanay nang inaalalayang tulad no’n.

Naging proud ako sa kasama ko. Habang naglalakad sila, nakatingin lang ako. Nagpahuli na kasi ako. Tuwang-tuwa ang kalooban ko nang oras na iyon.

Nang makarating na kami sa sakayan ng jeep, dahan-dahang binitiwan na siya ng kasama ko. Sabi niya, “Dito po ang sakayan. Ingat po kayo. God bless you po.” At sa nanginginig niyang boses, sabi ni Kuya, “Salamat.”

Hindi na kami kasya sa jeep na nasakyan nya kaya hindi namin nalaman kung saan sya papunta.

PAGTATANONG

Nang makasakay na rin kami, obvious ang pagka-ovewhelm namin ng kaibigan ko sa nangyari. Napakaraming tanong sa isip ko. Ang isa sa mga malakas kong nasabi:

“Hindi ba nasagasaan yung bulag na singer na si Willie Garte, yung kumanta ng Bawal na Gamot?”

Naalala ko lang. Na-hit-and-run yun. Hindi ko na maalala ang isinagot ng kasama ko pero parang pareho pa din kaming tulala. Tulala pero masaya pareho.

Saan kaya pupunta si Kuya?

Naisip ko rin, pa’no kaya ang buhay ng mga tulad nila? Napaka-vulnerable. Pa’no kung wala palang mabuting intension yung humila sa kanya?

Ang tapang ng mga tulad ni Kuya. Napakalakas ng pananampalataya nya.

Naalala ko din tuloy yung mga bulag na masahista sa Philcoa nung college ako.

Naisip ko rin ang tita kong hindi na halos makakita dahil sa Diabetes.

Naisip ko, ano kaya ang pakiramdam nang walang paningin? Ang ganda at napaka-makulay pa naman ng paligid.

Yun ang moment kung kailan nagpasalamat ako sa Diyos sa paningin ko at sa pagkakataon at pribilehiyo na makita ang lahat ng nilikha Nya.

PAG-IISIP

“Bulag ka ba?”, biro ng kaibigan ko.

Ang totoong dapat maging sagot ko, OO.

Madalas, bulag ako sa mga dapat kong nakikita…

Hindi ko naappreciate ang mga tao at bagay na dapat kong ipagpasalamat. Hindi ko napapahalagahan ang mga maliliit na bagay na ibinigay ni Lord sa akin o maging ang mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa ng mga taong nagmamahal sa akin. Laging mali nila ang nakikita ko. Laging yung mga hindi masyadong magandang ginawa nila sa akin ang binabalikan ko.

Bulag ako sa mga mabubuting pagbabagong nagaganap sa kasalukuyan. Laging nakalipas ang tinitignan ko. Laging sarili ko ang iniisip ko.

Bulag ako sa masasayang bagay na nangyayari na ngayon, dahil naghahanap pa ako ng mas masaya pa kaysa dito.

Lagi ko nalang inililibot ang mga mata ko kahahanap ng mas malaking mga bagay na dapat kong ipagpasalamat gayong nasa harap ko na ang mga bagay na dapat kong ikatuwa.

Laging negatibo ang pananaw ko sa mga ginagawa ng kapwa ko at hindi ko nakikita ang mga positibo–kahit pa mas marami ang mga ‘yon– dahil isinasara ko na ang paningin at pag-iisip ko.

Bulag ako sa pangangailangan ng kapwa ko. Lagi kong hinahanap ang makakapagpasaya sa akin pero madalas, hindi ko naiisip na kailangan ko din pasayahin ang mga taong nagpapasaya sa akin.

Bulag ako sa katotohanan na napakapalad ko sa mga bagay na mayroon ako sa kasalukuyan. Napakarami ko pang sinasabi pero madalas, simpleng “salamat” lang naman ang dapat kong sabihin.

Madalas nagbubulag-bulagan din ako sa maraming bagay…

Minsan, gusto ko lang makita ang gusto kong makita. Pinipili ko lang ang dapat kong pahalagahan.

Apathetic din ako minsan sa mga isyu sa paligid na dapat kong binubusisi at inaaksyunan bilang responsableng Pilipino. Takot din siguro ako sa maraming bagay na nakikita ko at naririnig. Di tulad ni Kuya na kahit hindi niya nakikita ang dinadaanan nya at alam nyang tiyak na may panganib, tuloy pa din siya.

Marami akong natutunan kay Kuya.

Si Kuya, walang paningin pero may focus. Bawat hakbang nya may sukat. Naisip ko, kung sumobra siguro siya ng one inch lang habang bumababa sya sa hagdanan, maaring nahulog sya. Pero hindi nangyari yun.

Sana ako rin may focus.

Mayroon lang sigurong isang aspeto sa bawat buhay ng tao kung saan KAILANGAN nating maging bulag. Naalala ko ung awit ni Freddie Aguilar na ni-revive ni Yeng Constantino–Bulag, Pipi, at Bingi:

Madilim ang iyong paligid
Hatinggabing walang hanggan
Anyo at kulay ng mundo sayo’y
Pinagkaitan
Huwag mabahala kaibigan
Isinilang ka mang ganyan
Isang bulag sa kamunduhan
Ligtas ka sa kasalanan.

Naisip ko, napakabuti talaga ng Diyos!

Abandon Myself

Ate Edith’s new song has truly inspired me and I told her about it.

I told her that at a bleak point in my life, where I have so many unanswered questions inside my head and I have felt pain that has been extreme, its like every song that I sing for God finds it hard to really break into my heart and make me “truly worship”. I just know that the kind of worship I have been offering has not been pleasing Him lately.

This song has spoken to me in ways I cannot understand. It ploughed my heart when the pain hardened it so much. I feel very blessed. Truly, God is our completeness. It is when we are emptied that we realize we are full for it is only then that God can fill us as much as He likes.

I will always cherish the encouragement that Ate Edith gave me at this “downtime” in my life. Here’s what she said:

” Abandon Myself is a very personal song to me. Honestly, I dont consider myself as a songwriter but only when inspiration comes. In this case, yes, I was inspired and the song just came out spontaneously during my devotion while in Sydney, Australia.

Testimonies such as yours are already the fulfillment of the purpose of that song. I thank and praise God for allowing me to be His instrument.

I pray you find courage and strength as you continue this journey. Truly there is no such thing as an easy road, but it is up to us on how to appreciate how God carries us through every step of the way.”

Abandon Myself

You are the one I adore
The one to whom I pour My love, my love
You are the one I worship
The one to whom I give My life, my life

You’re the reason I take my next breath
You’re the reason I take my next step

Refrain:
I follow you on the lead
And release my faith to believe
Embrace your purpose in me
I surrender my heart and my soul
And obey you, my king above all
Abandon myself to serve your call

T-r-a-u-m-a

The upsurge of emotions I have been feeling in the past few days have overwhelmed me. I never expected I would act or feel this way. I am normally a strong person. I believe that I have a big big God. But I think when experiences really hurt you when you’ve put your whole heart on your sleeves, your body sometimes has to react differently than you expect. We are, after all, human.

I think I have been traumatized by my recent ordeal. I hope my friends who would read this would understand that it’s NOT UNChristian to experience or feel this way this FOR A TIME after a hurtful event. I won’t heal if I won’t accept that there is something that needs healing.

I am deeply in pain and bitter about things right now and I don’t think I should be condemned for crying about it for as long as I have when it still really hurts. I feel this way because I have lost someone so special in a not-so-special way.

When I was a child, I was “abused” by a fourth-degree cousin. I don’t think I have ever blogged about it this way. I guess I am more free to talk about it now that I have already told my mom about it after more than 20 years. I told her last month–on my birthday.

But I never realized how much trauma this past experience has brought upon me until now– now that I am experiencing another pain in a degree I have never experienced before. Maybe because I never acknowledged the trauma that past ordeal had brought and just tried to suppress it–like most people want me to do right now. It comes up again each time something similarly painful happens. I feel so low and abandoned and foolish.

As a youth leader, I have taught much about emotions at church. I once said that we should never rehearse or nurture the pain so it won’t grow bigger. I have been criticized for “not following what I preached”. I did say that, but I also said that each of us must recognize that we are hurt or broken and to what degree so that the healing process would be easier.

You don’t always pray and say, “God, I am so strong.” You also have to say, “Lord, I am very broken and helpless and feeling low and in pain right now and I need you badly.” God even prefers the latter.

I don’t think I am nurturing the pain I am feeling. I am just really sad. And crying is my way of letting it out. Its not that I have lost my faith when I say that I am traumatized. I acknowledge that now is the time to cling to Jesus more.

It’s not that I don’t trust Him about my future. It just really hurts right now–like my chest is about to explode. I know there are going to be better days. Its not like my life has stopped either because I still keep serving God in my pain. I sometimes wish this didn’t have to happen. But I know God doesn’t give us anything we cannot handle.

My mom has told me to cry out everything I feel that’s hurting me until all the pain is drained.

But right now, the pain has not yet drained. I’ll cry some more if I have to. I know I won’t do it forever. But right now, I just have to. After all, God promised He would keep all my tears in a bottle.

———————————

Read this to learn about Emotional and Psychological Trauma:

Healing Emotional and Psychological Trauma

If you’ve gone through a traumatic experience, you may be struggling with upsetting emotions, frightening memories, or a sense of constant danger that you just can’t kick. Or you may feel numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people.

When bad things happen, it can take awhile to get over the pain and feel safe again. But treatment and support from family and friends can speed your recovery from emotional and psychological trauma. Whether the traumatic event happened years ago or yesterday, you can heal and move on.

Sources of emotional and psychological trauma that are commonly neglected:

* Falls or sports injuries
* Surgery (especially in the first 3 years of life)
* The sudden death of someone close
* An auto accident
* The breakup of a significant relationship
* A humiliating or deeply disappointing experience
* The discovery of a life-threatening illness or disabling condition

What is emotional and psychological trauma?

Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world.

Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and alone can be traumatic, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective facts that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized.

A stressful event is most likely to be traumatic if:

* It happened unexpectedly.
* You were unprepared for it.
* You felt powerless to prevent it.
* It happened repeatedly.
* Someone was intentionally cruel.
* It happened in childhood.

Symptoms of emotional and psychological trauma

Following a traumatic event, most people experience a wide range of physical and emotional reactions. These are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events. The symptoms may last for days, weeks, or even months after the trauma ended.

Emotional symptoms of trauma:

* Shock, denial, or disbelief
* Anger, irritability, mood swings
* Guilt, shame, self-blame
* Feeling sad or hopeless
* Confusion, difficulty concentrating
* Anxiety and fear
* Withdrawing from others
* Feeling disconnected or numb
* Poor sleep patterns – nightmares, fitful sleep, difficulty falling asleep
* Self-defeating behavior patterns at home, socially or at work
* Negative sense of self or feelings of helplessness or powerlessness

Physical symptoms of trauma:

* Insomnia or nightmares
* Being startled easily
* Racing heartbeat
* Aches and pains
* Fatigue
* Difficulty concentrating
* Edginess and agitation
* Muscle tension

These symptoms and feelings typically last from a few days to a few months, gradually fading as you process the trauma. But even when you’re feeling better, you may be troubled from time to time by painful memories or emotions—especially in response to triggers such as an anniversary of the event or an image, sound, or situation that reminds you of the traumatic experience.

Grieving is normal following a traumatic event

Whether or not a traumatic event involves death, survivors must cope with the loss, at least temporarily, of their sense of safety and security. The natural reaction to this loss is grief. Like people who have lost a loved one, trauma survivors go through a grieving process. This process, while inherently painful, is easier if you turn to others for support, take care of yourself, and talk about how you feel.

Most of all, FIND GOD.

Officially.

I am officially single. Not that it just happened. My announcement is actually long overdue. By ‘official’, I guess I should mean “I have finally officially accepted it”.

It would have made a lot of things so much easier if I just easily released all this freely from the start.

He is my best friend.

We work together.

We go to the same church.

We’re partners in both goodness and crime.

How can the tide go differently?

It just wasn’t normal for the both of us. Unlike most couples who could break up and easily move on and face different ways, we CANNOT just do that.

We were on this fight together. My dad didn’t approve of him but I thought we would hold on. We’ve made it this far. Apparently, he grew tired and the grasp became weaker and weaker. Everything got strained. Fiery words were even thrown at each other–despite that we both never deserved them.

We broke it off in in late July last year… but nobody noticed. Who would if we were still acting the same way? Everything looked like normal–and we wanted it to be like that–but deep inside, we were both bleeding terribly. These were the most stressful times of my life… and his too. I wish it didn’t have to be so complicated.

In a way, we have both become hypocrites by the day and two desperate individuals trying to get a good rest at night. But I guess there just has to be a turning point in everything. I didn’t want to let go. I was tormented just by the thought of it. But then each day was becoming more difficult and everyday, he was getting more tired and pressured. And I was too.

At the last minute, I thought I was still fighting for something and that somehow, he was too but just wanted to rest for a bit and regain his lost strength. Maybe the word for it is denial. But as it has gotten more confusing each day, I was slowly needing freedom from all these… and from myself… from the misery I was gradually but surely throwing myself into.

Today, I have come to accept the vivid truth that this is indeed over. There is no more fight going on. We have lost that something we were fighting for. The crying must stop. The pain must be welcomed and then shooed away eventually.

I realized how far I have gone, how little I know, and how much I have yet to learn. I thought I would be married by 27. Last Monday was my 27th birthday. Everyone kept teasing me about it because when I was younger, I made a reverberating broadcast that I will settle down by the time I am 27… even if I was single then.

Well, no one can proudly broadcast about his future. I am looking at my present and the mess I have created. I have a lot of patching up to do. First, I have to put my head back on track, glue my heart together, and then take care of the rest of my life. I’m glad I don’t have to do that all alone.

I have no reason to be miserable. Today, I have released him. I am through with being all too dreamy or denying the truth that is right before my eyes. I have always been strong. And I know I’ll get back to my feet and straighten up my wobbly knees in no time. Hey its normal to be broke–err, be broken–sometimes. Its how you are made whole.

Today, I went to church with him. Tomorrow, I’ll go to work with him. And I’ll do that over and over until something else comes up… or until he goes abroad. This is difficult… and insane. Right now, I have no other choice. In my craziness, I would say it’s one of the most grueling things known to mankind. But we are good friends. I am thankful that I have not made an enemy.

Once upon a time, I used to always say I was God’s princess and He is preparing someone for me– someone worthy of me. The catch was that I’d have to be worthy of him too. Well, guess what? I still am God’s princess. Corny as it seems, that will never change. And its time I look back at my prince tale and believe it. It may not have happened now but it doesn’t mean it’s never going to.

I have more to learn. I need some refinements. And they have to happen NOW. Not tomorrow. NOW. I won’t cry again tonight. I won’t succumb into a booze spree. I won’t do drugs. I won’t sulk in a corner and fatten up my hips. NO NO NO.

I have my family to take care of (my dad, mom, dog, grandma, nieces, and nephews). And to add to my already lengthy speech, I have dreams to fulfill, skills to make use of, and breakthroughs to run after.

God loves me. That’s the greatest thing I know in my life. And knowing and believing and living that is more than enough for me.

All the stress has made me forget the most beautiful meaning of love I have ever known:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres.

Love never fails.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Well, it looks like this so-called LOVE has failed. I think we’ve lost the “always” part. Maybe not. I have no idea. Nevertheless, I’m glad this so-called love happened. I’m never closing my doors for it to happen again in God’s perfect time but for now, I’m letting it be.

I’m letting go and letting God.

Even if its excruciating.

Christian Terminologies

from the book “The Church Case Scenario” by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz

1) Anointing

People think it means – To ceremonially install someone into an
official position, such as “He was anointed as the king of Jordan.”

Christian meaning – A special blessing of the Holy Spirit, usually
reserved for members of charismatic churches.

2) Backslider

People think it means – Some sort of lower lumber massage device.

Christian meaning - Someone going in the opposite direction of where
God wants them to go.

3) Believer

People think it means – Someone who believes in everything Oprah
says.

Christian meaning – Someone who believes in Jesus, our Lord and
Savior. Someone who believes in the Bible.

4) Bible Study

People think it means - Boring meetings where people learn about an
ancient book.

Christian meaning – Exciting meetings where people learn about God’s
Word.

5) Come Forward

People think it means - To confess and admit that you know
something.

Christian meaning – To confess and admit that you don’t know
anything.

6) Devotions

People think it means – Bible reading and prayers done by super-
spiritual people.

Christian meaning - Bible reading and prayers done by ordinary
people.

7) Eternity

People think it means - An expensive fragrance from Calvin Klein

Christian meaning - The eternal life after this one, where you won’t
need any fragrances.

Freedom in Christ

People think it means - That you are free to do anything you want.

Christian meaning - That you are free to do anything God wants.

9) Glory

People think it means - When someone wants all the attention.

Christian meaning - When God deserves all the attention. Also, an
expression of amazement accompanied by hand waving, as in “Glory!”

10) Grace

People think it means - Something you say before a meal; the
blessing.

Christian meaning - A blessing from God that we don’t deserve.

11) Testimony

People think it means – Telling the truth in front of a judge and
jury.

Christian meaning - Telling the truth about God and your
relationship with Him in front of anybody who will listen.

12) Worldly

People think it means – A person who is wise to the ways of the
world, which is a positive quality if you want to get ahead in life.

Christian meaning - A person who is wise to the ways of the world,
which is great in this life, but won’t do you a whole lot of good in
eternity.

13) Saved

People think it means - Your old life is spared because someone
helped you.

Christian meaning - You are given new life because God reached out
to you.