It’s been a long, long, loooooong time since I last updated this blog. A lot of things have changed about me and my surroundings that I felt the need to start writing again.
For one, I now live in Singapore. A major shift in the standard of living entails major changes in perspective as well. This is a first-world country. Its very different from where I come from.
Although so many things have been continuously overwhelming me since I moved here, it took quite a bit of a while before it sank into my head that this is really different now. Its a different place. It still feels a bit surreal, but in a beautiful kind of way.
But despite that I do anticipate that my life will never be the same and that I am looking forward to a lot of my long-time dreams coming to reality, I am glad that there are things that WILL not change. And these are the three:
1. GOD in my life.
He never fails to prove how He never leaves me nor forsakes me. His favor has just been enormous since I landed in Singapore and His grace and mercy have never left me.
I am glad that I have a church to go to and an instant family. And I still have a ministry. I get to sing for God. I get to write. I get to do all these creative things for His glory. And all these I consider a privilege. It is a great honor to serve the King of Kings and I am deeply humbled.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes and terrible ones, but God truly is the God of turnarounds. He taught me how to forgive others and most of all, myself… And that even if people hate me for many of the stupidest things I have done, I’ve learned that when God forgives a wrong, I am supposed to leave it alone because He always offers a chance to pick myself up, bounce back, and be doubly awesome… all by His grace and mercy alone. God is my motivation and driving force. His favor is the primary spice of my life, without which it will be tasteless.
2. My FAMILY in my heart
Singapore is not too far. And this is not the first time I’ve been away from home. I realize that everything I have ever been through has actually prepared me for all that I am going through right now. And technology has made it easier. The phone calls, Skype chats, and Facebook updates have all been sugar to me.
My family is my inspiration and will always be. My parents, brother, nephews, nieces, cousins, and other relatives cheer me on and up, too. They are the vibrance of my life. Your family understands the phases in life you have to deal with or even your reactions to the pressures and slaps on the left and right cheek that life throws at you sometimes. And they stand by you through all of it. My family reminds me that I always have a home in my heart that I can always go back to, whatever happens or wherever I may be.
3. My FRIENDS by my side
I prayed for good new friends when I arrived here. And thats what I have been getting. I can never be thankful enough.
I’ve met a lot of wonderful people and I know I will keep meeting more in the next few months. My new friends remind me of how bouncing back really is supposed to happen because they make me realize that life really goes on and on and on and that if I would stay stuck in just a moment in time, I would miss meeting all these beautiful people, learning new things, enjoying new ways, and finding new reasons to laugh or simply smile.
My new friends remind me how big the universe is and how broad the horizons are. The things I once thought were too big are actually just tiny specks of a huge picture.
And then of course, there are my treasured old friends. Their worth can never be questioned. It always makes me feel great when I get to connect with any of them in any way. They remind me that life is indeed big… because although there’s a broad horizon out there that would fit a lot more new people in my life, they still stand in their usual spaces in my life, unshaken. And that’s simply because that’s what true friends do. They stay. They never judge you as being a permanently cracked egg. Or a rotten one even. They always believe. Even if I did countless crazy things, they stood by me and believed that I can get out of the rut. And wherever I am– near or far– I would always consider my true old friends as being “by my side” always. Because they are.
And of these three things, I acknowledge that only God remains constant.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. -2 Corinthians 9:8
I’m excited about the things that are bound to happen. I’m a little scared, but I know that even if so many things have changed and are still changing, these that remain will help me pull through life in great color. =)
Posted by Wordmobi
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
“That is why I chose this way.”
don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
and pray for strength to carry on.
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I’m worth it.
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!
We are not super humans.
This is one of the things one would realize while serving God for a long time within a ministry. We get tired and frustrated and eventually start to hate one another. This happens even among leaders.
I am blessed to have my cousins in the ministry with me. I’ve always been proud of them. But then came this rift between me and one of my closest. I guess we both hid bitterness and frustrations–maybe for different reasons. We were both stressed out and thought bad things about each other… and other people.
Last night, forgiveness came. I made up with a cousin and we texted the whole night and agreed we are both so AMPAW (synonym of WEAK and HELPLESS) and realized we only really need to be strong in the Lord. We both know God is in control of circumstances.
When I sent him the first text, I told him I have nothing to be proud of in front of God but I have a responsibility as a part of this ministry to let him know what I will have to go through. I was expecting a cold reply. But I wanted to let him know that I never ever lost respect for him just as he may have thought. And indeed I got the cold reply. But minutes later, he sends the same message, but added a few more lines of text about his realizations. And there came forgiveness fresh from the oven.
I have a lot of questions going on right now. Things like “when will this turbulence inside me end?” and “who among all these people surrounding me are my true friends?” But there are those people you know are there for you and will always be in your list of the TRUEST. They are those with whom you may have a rift or a gap with from time to time but you know will never leave that list.
We go through different circumstances in life. We don’t know what really goes inside each and every other person we encounter. I am going through a difficult one right now.
We are mere humans. We don’t have super powers that let us be invisible when our enemies come or fly to where no one can reach us when we want to isolate ourselves or turn into sand when we wish to hide.
We get nervous, angry, stressed, frustrated, cold, bitter, and every feeling else that every other human feels. The Bible itself tells us we are not to be exempted from all these things that have to do with living in this world.
The thing that God revealed to me is that when we feel these things, we don’t have to suppress them inside of us to keep our beautiful Christianly package. We were designed to express and in expression, comes the control that comes from the Spirit. We will explode if we keep these feelings to ourselves and eventually find it hard to seek control.
My cousin gave me this verse last night: 1 Corinthians 15:58
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”
It is difficult being human. Much more if you’re a Christian human. But the thing that we must always bear in mind is that we are mere humans and God is God. He has everything beyond the limits of our weak human capacity.
Forgiveness came. Hopefully, my own peace of mind is next.
This is my baby dog, Barak. He just looks really big but he’s about 4 months old. He is one of the four babies of his mommie dog Whoopie. Last week we had to give him away.
I took this photo the night before he had to go. We gave him to one of our churchmates who also loves dogs. I talked to him while he slept and pat him on the forehead. I told him it hurts for us to do this but he was becoming very big too easily and he had tripped my dad flat on the floor about three times already. My dad has been recovering from stroke and he still has a hard time walking straight. Plus, Barak is one really noisy dog!
But I love him dearly. And so does my mom and dad. My dad nearly even backed out from relinquishing Barak’s ownership.
But looking at the big picture, giving him away would be so much better for all of us. The only thing we made sure of was that he was going to be given to a family who would love him just the same.
His mom missed him the first few days because she had this habit of whispering something to his ears, probably inviting him to stop playing and start eating, whenever its chow time. She probably had to make a lot of adjustments when he was suddenly gone. She was obviously sad. But a few days after, she was okay again.
I miss him. But I am going to see him again in a few weeks.
Having to give up something so precious to me for a better situation taught me valuable lessons:
1. Love is all about looking beyond the flaws and imperfections . – Barak is not ugly but he definitely was a hyper, eardrum-breaking dog. And yet we loved him for who he is– just a cute little dog doing the normal things that he does.
2. Life is all about moving on. -I moved on when Barak left. So did my parents. So did his mom. So did Barak. That’s just how life is. We move on in different ways but that is making sure we don’t step on anyone’s rights or hurting anyone intentionally I guess.
I thank God for these simple special moments that allow me to think… and learn.
Posted by Wordmobi
When I was young, I wanted to be so rich so I could be a doctor and heal sick people. It has never happened. I went to law school. I wanted to be a lawyer so I can stand up on behalf of people in need. In the middle of it, I quit. I realized that money isn’t the central need in helping sick people or standing up for those who are in need. I just need to be strong and sincere and to have faith in God and myself and in people, and then I know I can make a great deal of difference.
It saddens me that most of our so-called leaders have lost what it takes to really help. They are probably strong. They have the money to help. But then most of them have lost the sincerity, empathy, and faith in their own people. All they have are their formidable beliefs in themselves (aka overconfidence) and in what they can do and yet all they can deliver are empty promises and loads of wrong motives. They are like bubbles. Pretty to look at but are mere air. Most of all, they lack fear of the Lord. In fact, they lack it so much that they are unashamed to be so lavishly extravagant while their fellowmen lie in dire poverty.
I guess that poverty in itself cannot be called horrendous. What is more despicable is when in the midst of it, those who have the capacity and responsibility to alleviate it spend more time going some place else–in the guise of an official trip–partying, eating, and drinking, and being merry… and just losing their soul.
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36)
Oh well, eat and drink and be merry, for tomorrow… hmmm… (Isaiah 22:13)
Wait till they all lose their strength and are drained of breath… Would people feel sorry for them? Or would they rejoice… and eat and drink and be merry?
Lately i’ve been lacking sleep. It’s like each time I wake up in the morning, I’d find myself blurting out “That was it?” I’d usually have to drag myself out of bed because my back just seems to want to stick to it the whole day.
My parents have just been really sweet. Mom prepares my lunch to take to the office each day except Fridays. And there are mornings when I’d hear them just outside my room asking out loud if they should be waking me up or not yet. They just completely understand how tired I am.
And sure enough, I am tired. Not to mention I seem to get easily depressed by some things. But the one thing that keeps me going is how I know God has something beautiful in store for me and the people I care about… And even my dogs… each day. The strength he provides is extraordinary. His grace is so immense.
Though it is sometimes hard to get up coz my body just makes it so, my heart and soul is always grateful for another new day to experience God’s goodness.
And I can sleep with peace… Knowing God watches over me and is wrapping up another surprise when I wake up.
Posted by Wordmobi